Today is Monday and I used to feel physically sick on the Sunday before which used to set in about 5pm and gradually got worse an impacted on sleep. I used to wake up after very little sleep and try and function. What will today bring already exhausted.
I'm starting to repair from those feelings but occasionally they do still creep in every now and then and last night was one of those nights. I woke at 02:56am after reliving an awful event in my working life after the dream I was in took me through the events frame by frame, but slower and more painful than the last episode. I woke feeling sick, stressed, upset with the knowing you are still unable to do anything about the situation, that people should of listened sooner, that this shouldn't of happened, totally distressed with a feeling utter uselessness and despair, wet through and hardly able to breath. So its going to be one of those nights.
Normally I would ruminate about the situation, the events and try to examine in my own mind what would of happened if this or that was different... But tonight was different, I was able to put into place a strategy I had learned whilst I was a patient with the Mental Health Crisis Team... I was able to imagine myself in a my safe warm place, listening to the waves break on the sand and rocks, I did some of the stretching exercises and relaxation breathing and found I soon drifted off, because the next time I woke was to Scott kissing me before he left for work this morning.
I haven't got anything planned to do today other than go down to my daughters later tonight, ready to spend the day with Thomas my grandson, while his mummy is at work. I had planned on going for a run/walk this afternoon but have picked up an injury from Saturdays Park Run - more about that later. I have a sore Achilles Tendon in my left leg and feel annoyed that I cant get out there today and complete another new years resolution run... so today the laptop is my best friend whilst I work out how to heal this injury, (treatment) so ice, rest and some magnesium rub and plenty of protein in the meantime to hopefully speed the process up.
On Saturday, I logged my first ever time at the first ever Blackpool Park Run and got a brilliant time, better than I expected for an unfit, fat, overweight person, who has only started to run again in January 2017 after a twenty year break. It was really nice to be out and about and I know I was at the back (not last!) but it was my personal race and I am pleased with my 48:03 timed effort RESULTS. I'm happy I completed the route and the sun was shining, after I have been running I find a new clarity in my mind, brighter, more awake and more able to cope with my mental health, anxiety and lack of sleep. One thing that made me chuckle is a bloke walking his dog drinking his bottle of cider at 09:30am telling me I was over weight and that I needed to lose weight... no shit Sherlock! Why do you think I'm doing this, says you piss head!!!! The guys who where lapping me gave him what for too... arse hole!
None of the last few months would of been possible without my wing man, my rock, my husband and partner in crime Scotty. We went on a diet together and joined Slimming World where our friend Helen is the Consultant, Losing weight has now become a competition between us (yes we are competitive), and I'm already running six pounds lighter and with my best friend.
My head feels clearer already and my body is healing 🔁
My head feels clearer already and my body is healing 🔁
I'm going to use these photos as my starting running and slimming world journey:-
x2 laps
BREAKFAST
| Hovis Wholemeal Bread 400g | 2 slices | HEb | |
| Milk 1% fat | 300ml | HEa | |
Marmite Yeast Extract
Cup of Tea
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LUNCH - Pastrami Salad
1 of Mayonnaise low fat/extra light 1 level tbsp 1 Syns
Pastrami FREE
Lettuce FREE
Tomatoes, fresh S FREE ...
Cucumber S FREE
Celery S FREE
Lemons, juice or zest S FREE
Peppers/Pimentos S FREE
Dinner
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1 of Homemade Quiche - Eggs, ham, onion, mushroom, peas (no pastry) FREE
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2 of The Laughing Cow Cheese Triangles with Cheddar, Light 3 syns
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Jacket Potatoes FREE
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